Diary of a Madman

Eurgghhh...University exams soon!
I feel like the whole semester involved me looking out a window covered in mud, and so all I've been doing is cleaning it until I could look out of it and see what's in front of me, and when I could see perfectly out of the clean, Windex advertisement worthy glass, university came to an end.
But ah well! Once it's done I'm locking myself in my room and reading until my eye muscles could compete in an Olympic event.




Things are actually good at the moment (other than those impending exams). I'm reading more and more, and seeing friends more often. And there's also Bronwyn, who was my university crush (at the time known as Library Girl), who I made myself speak to in the last week of university (the story of which is actually too embarrassing on my behalf to share here, haha), and she turned out to be just an amazingly warm, beautiful person, and so we're sort of together. I say sort of just because neither of us has confirmed whether or not we're in a relationship. But I really would like to be with Bronwyn, and actually have a proper relationship. So I've got to muster up some armour, oranges and courage and talk to her.

I hope everyone's well and going well with whatever pursuits they are attempting!



I miss you all, and hope you're lovely and well.
Love Josh xoxo

I can say two words:

"Thank God."

Really. My family and I sat around the TV watching the election like it was a sports game. It was fantastic.

I'm going to sleep well tonight.
Well, obviously three nights of going out and wine consumption will help, but yes.
I am so amazingly relieved.
xoxo

I'm moving out in two weeks.
Although, of course, I've been intending to for four months now haha.
It's absolutely terrifying and very exciting.
But odd. I do want to move out, but I really love living at home. So it will be interesting, really.

And, as much as I hate the heat, I love warm evenings.
I hope you're all well.
xoxo

I feel like writing.

I haven't written anything all year. My creative capillaries have been all clogged up, but whoknowswhen and by whoknowswhat or whoknowswho.

As of next week I have three to four days off a week, which is more than I've had all year since I started working.

I want to sit in the sunshade and read, and just go for walks simply to go for a walk.
I never seem to do that anymore.

I got my second haircut of the year on Tuesday. My hair was long enough that I could put it in my mouth, which is disgusting to many, but by far an achievement for me. I got sentimental the night before and took photographs of myself, which when viewed the next day just make me look like a poser. By the end of taking photographs I felt as if I was harassing myself and wished I'd stop and just got to sleep. Joshua's a bastard.

It'd be nice to start writing again. Or draw, or play trumpet. Or to even write some lyrics to the three chord songs I make up.
Mm, I'm totally gonna rake in cash as an artiste.

I hope everyone's lovely and soaking in Spring.
xoxo

So it probably comes as no surprie that I feel like updating when it rains.
It's majorly because it makes me nostalgic, I think.
I woke up at 7 this morning for work, and my first thought was "I wish it was raining." And it was, so I opened my window and enjoyed the sound and the refreshing breeze.

But really it made me miss school.

I really, really loved going to PCW (yes, my best VCE memories are all there, surprise :D) when it was raining.
The rain on the train window would look like thousands of multicoloured stars, speckled with rain drops and cat-scratche plumes of drizzle passed the yellow an white lights, lighting up like a galaxy.

Then, if it was friday, I'd arrive in the PCW music room upstairs smelling like a wet dog thanks to my blazer, my glassees foggy and useless, and slowly warm up, watching as the others slowly scattered in. Gradually, from a small brass, wind and percussion, we would combat the rain with our own rhythm and vibrations, greeting the day. And crossing the overpass would always make me look like a stray cat, thanks to my "rebellious" long hair.

I'd also use the rain as an excuse to hang around the PCW yard with suspicous teachers, sure I was there to simply goggle at women's private parts, such as their elbows, maybe. Schools uniforms really only allow you to see the backs of legs and elbows. Maybe they all thought I had some weird fetish, or perhaps actually having a friendly relationship with women is a no-no for a young man, surely setting his mind on thinking how he can best spy on a girls breast from eight meters away on the other side of the classroom. Oh yes, communication between the sexes must be prevented to preserve the women's chastity!
Which made using the excuse "It's raining, so if I go back it's a little dangerous" all the more fun, especially for certain teachers faces at the excuse.

I have a lovely memory of sitting in literature with Mr Pearson and so many brilliant friends (it was in the class that after three months I finally memorised Nabila's name) that it started raining, and we opened the windows and sighed a cool breath of relief. Then probably discussed how whatever we were studying involed sex or death. Or maybe abortion or something, whatever morbid or sexual idea came to mind.
And when we watched A Streetcar Named Desire in the lecutre theatre when it was raining, where all the small tables have prohpet graffiti on it, and Mr Pearson got angry with all the girls swooning over Marlon Brando's back.

Wonderful.

I also loved sitting in the theatre room with the heaters on full blast, slowly becoming more and more sleepy. I never lay down that much after Sam said "you have quite a voluptous ass, Joshua Croggon." I try to retain some dignity occasionally. Not really, I loved it of course, but still.

Does anyone remember me in an orange dress playing Blance Dubois in the theatre room? Nabila, we're pros at performing our own work.

Most of the time in Ms OD's literature class I'd end up watching the street below, or a bird fluttering its wings in the rain.

Did anyone else watch fascinated at pigeons very ungracefully washed themselves in puddles at Windsor station?
And how the rain dripped down from the bridge in thickets like weeds.

Some of my absoulte favourite memories are of the school production of Little Shop of Horrors.
When it rained then it often had that incredible light where the sky coats everything in gold slivers.

I remember the echo of the hall when I tried to carry the dentists chair up the stairs with Mr Pearson, only to drop it asmy legs said "Oh god, what the hell do you tihnk we're made of, steel?" as I tried to ascent the stairs up to the stage.
I miss the back of the stage, where I should have said "you", but was too afraid.

In my puppet, where I thrusted mascunlinely to make the mouth move and did my magic, I was fed and watered by year eights.
I still don't know what the end result looked like, but that harness has still made me fitter than I've ever been.
I was walking home one day and I went "Do I have breasts???...no, they're...pectorals?!?!"

I miss playing piano badly in the music room, with friends singing around me, hiding from teachers. And playing trumpet in a practise room and the grass welcomed the spring rain.

But really, I just miss my friends, and seeing them.

I hope you're all wonderful.

I love you,
xoxo

This year so far has been brilliant. The only downside is that I miss a lot of people, and it's so much harder to catch up with them.
I still haven't got the job at the chocolate shop, although I've been assured there are shifts coming my way very soon, which is fantastic. I am going to Centrelink today to register myself, but majorly so I can apply for youth allowance next year. If I make $17 000 this year...which is impossible, but I'll live in blind optimism.

I have read a few books so far this year, which was something I declared I wanted to do this year. I forgot how much I enjoyed reading; not looking at critically, not memorising quotes, not pulling apart, but reading for the enjoyment of it. It's really wonderful, the smell of the pages and the sounds they make when you turn them are fantastic.
However,
I haven't read in about two weeks due to my complete and utter addiction to Buffy. I'm up to Season Three, half of which I've watched in the past two days. It's just really, really good. Goddam Joss Whedon.

And not much else, really. No university this year, thank god. Just a year to forget abotu year twelve and grow up, which should be good fun.

I hope everyone's well!
xoxo

I've finished school properly, I adore this beautiful girl, and it's raining.
Things are completely wonderful.
xoxo
(I've also started reading again)

Everyone, we're now officially free from school! It's such a good feeling!
I couldn't sleep last night because of the fear of getting my score, and I didn't sleep at all the night before that, so it's a pretty good achievement, really. But I finally got up at six thirty and waited for seven.
And of course, once seven hit, I couldn't check my enter because everyone else in Melbourne was trying to do the exact same thing. So after fourty five minutes of trying to load a single page, I deduced that since txts cost money I'll be likely to get my score. So I txted in my student number and then, second later, got my score.
I somehow managed to get 92.65. I don't actually know how, to be honest, but I'm ridiculously happy with it!
And now I feel free. I can finally settle down and read!

I miss you all, and I hope you're all wonderful!
Lots of love
xoxo

I miss you all and hope you're well and doing well!
Lots and ltos of love
Josh xoxox

The bastards are finally here.
Thirteen years of education has lead to this.
I'm ridiculously excited, I canont cannot cannot wait for it to end!
It's such a marvellous feeling.

Good luck everyone, you'll all do wonderfully!!!
Then we can go to parties and dance like it's 1999!
Oh yes.

xoxoxoxo